-Sorry I'm late. -No, that's quite all right, dear.
Your father and I were just discussing his day at work.
-Why don't you tell our daughter about it, honey? -Janie, today I quit my job.
Then I told my boss to go fuck himself,
and then I blackmailed him for almost $60,000. Pass the asparagus.
Your father seems to think... this kind of behavior is something to be proud of.
And your mother seems to prefer that I go through life like a fucking prisoner... while she keeps my dick in a Mason jar under the sink.
How dare you speak to me that way in front of her?
And I marvel that you can be so contemptuous of me... on the same day that you lose your job!
I didn't lose it. It's not like, "Whoops, where did my job go?" I quit!
-Pass the asparagus. -Oh, oh, oh! And I want to thank you...
for putting me under the added pressure... of being the sole breadwinner now.
I already have a job.
No, no! Don't give a second thought as to who's going to pay the mortgage.
We'll leave it up to Carolyn.
"You're going to take care of everything now, Carolyn?" "Yes. I don't mind."
"Everything? You don't mind having the sole responsibility?"
-"Your husband feels he can just quit his job, and you don't--" -Will someone please pass me the fucking asparagus?
-I'm not going to be a part of this. -Sit down!
I am sick and tired of being treated like I don't exist.
You two do whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it, and I don't complain.
-All I want... -Oh, you don't complain?
Oh, please! Excuse me! I must be psychotic then!
If you don't complain, what is this?
Yeah, let's bring in the laugh meter and see how loud it gets on that one.
Don't interrupt me, honey.
And another thing. From now on, we're going to alternate our dinner music,
because, frankly... and I don't think I'm alone here...
I am really tired of this Lawrence Welk shit.
-Go away. -Please let me in.
Look, I wish that you hadn't witnessed that awful scene tonight, but in a way, I'm glad.
Why? So I could see what freaks you and Dad really are?
Me? Tsk. God.
-Oh, Christ. Mom. -No, I'm glad because, uh--
because you're old enough now to learn the most important lesson in life:
You cannot count on anyone except yourself.
You know, it's sad but true,
and the sooner you learn it, the better.
Look, Mom, I really don't feel like having a Kodak moment here.
You ungrateful little brat!
Just look at everything you have!
When I was your age, I lived in a duplex! We didn't even have our own house.