I need a father who's a role model,
not some horny geek boy... who's going to spray his shorts whenever I bring a girlfriend home from school.
What a lame-o.
Someone really should just put him out of his misery.
You want me to kill him for you?
Yeah. Would you?
My name is Lester Burnham.
This is my neighborhood.
This is my street.
This is my life.
I'm 42 years old.
In less than a year, I'll be dead.
Of course, I don't know that yet.
And in a way, I'm dead already.
Look at me: jerking off in the shower.
This will be the high point of my day.
It's all downhill from here.
That's my wife, Carolyn.
See the way the handle on those pruning shears matches her gardening clogs?
That's not an accident.
Hush, Bitsy! Hush.
What is wrong with you?
That's our next-door neighbor, Jim.
And that's his lover, Jim.
-You spoil her. -Me? -Bitsy, no bark. Come inside now.
-Good morning, Jim! -Good morning, Carolyn.
I love your tie! That color!
I just love your roses. How do you get them to flourish like this?
Well, I'll tell you:
-eggshells and Miracle-Gro. -I've never heard that. -Man, -Yes!
I get exhausted just watching her.
She wasn't always like this. She used to be happy.
We used to be happy.
My daughter Jane.
Only child.
Janie's a pretty typical teenager:
angry, insecure, confused.
I wish I could tell her that's all going to pass, but I don't want to lie to her.
-Jane, honey, are you trying to look unattractive? -Yes.
Congratulations. You've succeeded admirably.
Lester, could you make me a little later, please, because I'm not quite late enough.
Nice going, Dad.
Both my wife and daughter think I'm this gigantic loser.
And they're right.
I have lost something.
I'm not exactly sure what it is,
but I know I didn't always feel this... sedated.
But you know what? It's never too late to get it back.